Some days, I’m standing on the shore of Mindful Living. I dip my right foot into the water (which seems to be the only way forward) and my left foot stays paralyzed by Self-Consciousness. (Imagine a runner in a freeze frame shot without the sneakers.) I’m calm and cool as a cucumber.
My practice has led me here, to this moment. To this strange, altered state of consciousness which results in intermittent freeze framing. Yes. I have learned to pause the automatic activities of my brain so that I can pay attention and appreciate things as they are. And yes. I usually can do this magic with equanimity and intentionality. Overall, I’m feeling quite good. But, Self-Consciousness is rearing its ugly head.
It’s like, suddenly and without warning, I’m trapped in a vicious query loop pollinated with ego manic thoughts and I find myself awkward and fumbling. I try to get a hold of my mind, but I fall deeper into troubleshooting mode, which feels like flash card therapy and a blinking red light.
Meanwhile, the person standing in front of me keeps talking and he’s probably saying something clever… but his voice sounds muffled and I just want to go home. I imagine I fall to floor and he picks me up, giving me a long, nuzzling hug and then a glass of wine and both do wonders.
Maybe you’re like me, human and experimenting, with Self-Conscious thoughts arising. Each new moment propels us forward, each new interaction is momentum! Take one step at a time and trust everything, freeze frames and all! Everything should be done in truth.
When you fall, be honest.